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What's your (self) love language?

February is all about love so I have decided to focus on one of my favorite topics, self-love! In this article, I'll walk you through ways that you can practice more (self) love.

You may have heard of the 5 love languages which are five ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

This concept was developed by Gary Chapman and in his book, he explains that people communicate love in different ways and that in order to have a successful relationship it is important to learn your love language but also that of your loved ones.

His book for couples is the most know but the love languages can be applied to singles, friends, parents, and at the workplace which he has also written books about.

Today, however, I’d like to share a way that the love languages can be used to benefit your relationship with yourself which is the most important relationship you will ever have.

Let’s start with a breakdown of what each of the love languages stands for:

1. Words of affirmation

If this is your love language, it means that you feel most loved when you receive words of encouragement, compliments, and words of appreciation. Things like cute text messages, hidden love notes, and regular expression of love in words are the right way to melt your heart.

You feel most hurt by:

harsh words, insults, critique, when your partner does not check up on you, when your partner does not express themselves to you, etc...

Things you say when you are hurt:

you never say that you love me, you always criticize me, I don’t know how you feel, you don’t support me.

How to self-love in this language:

  • Write your own affirmations and read them daily

  • Say something positive about yourself every time you walk by a mirror.

  • Keep a gratitude journal

  • compliment yourself often

2. Quality time

If this is your love language it means that you care most about spending uninterrupted time with your loved one. You feel most loved when your partner makes it a priority to spend time with you.

For you, nothing says I love you more than having meaningful conversations and creating fun memories with your significant other. Things like watching Netflix together, going on a romantic weekend without the kids, or playing board games together is all you need.

You feel most hurt when:

important dates are forgotten and not celebrated, canceled dates, not enough time spent together, etc...

Things you say when you are hurt:

we never do anything together, I don’t feel like I know you, you don’t have time for me.

How to self-love in this language:

  • schedule regular me-time (mani & Pedi, a day at the spa, travel alone, read your favorite book, meditate, etc...)

  • Celebrate your wins and share them with someone.

  • Try new activities at least once a month

3. Acts of service

If this is your love language it means that the way to your heart is by making life easier for you especially in stressful times. Things like letting you sleep in, your partner doing more than their share of household chores, or doing errands for you when you've had a busy day at work.

You believe that actions speak louder than words.

You feel most hurt when:

your partner does not help you in the household when you cannot count on your partner to help you out with important tasks.

Things you say when you are hurt:

I do everything around here, I am not a maid, I cannot be loving when I’m tired from doing all this, you don’t help me out.

How to self-love in this language:

  • get help in the household (for cleaning, cooking, groceries ...either regularly or once in a while as a treat)

  • Get enough sleep regularly

  • Order in your favorite meal

  • Outsource some work (get a VA or freelancer to help you out)

4. Gift

If gift-giving is your love language it means that you feel most loved when you receive gifts as a token of appreciation. People tend to associate this love language with being materialistic. For you a gift does not necessarily have to be an expensive gift but more about the thought that went into choosing the gift.

You feel most hurt when:

You receive nothing for important dates such as birthdays, anniversaries, etc...or when your partner comes back from a trip without a (small) gift.

Things you say when you are hurt:

How can you forget this! You never get me anything! I did not even get flowers, chocolate, etc... for my birthday!

How to self-love in this language:

  • Get yourself something to celebrate yourself for small and big wins

  • Send yourself some flowers for no reason

  • Gift yourself something extra special every year to celebrate an important date

  • Get (small) souvenirs from every place you visit

5. Physical touch

If physical touch is your love language it means that you feel most loved when receiving physical signs of affection, such as kissing, holding hands, sitting close to each other on the couch, receiving a massage or sex. This love language is often misunderstood as people tend to only associate it with sex but as you can see, it includes ways that love and care are expressed physically.

You feel most hurt when:

your partner does not kiss or hug you regularly, your partner does not initiate any form of physical touch in or outside of the bedroom.

Things you say when you are hurt:

You never touch me, don’t you find me attractive? I need affection!

How to self-love in this language:

  • get a massage regularly

  • Practice yoga

  • Get yourself a playful toy 🍆

  • Take on dancing classes (Kizomba, salsa, bachata, etc...)

So now you know what the different love languages are and how you can start applying them to yourself as well!

If you are not sure what your love language is, you can do the test using this link.

I hope that you enjoyed reading this and that you will start to practice your love language on yourself going forward.

This month we are focussing on self-love and our expert of the month Aisha Moore is teaching us how to avoid burnout and overwhelm by turning self-love into concrete actionable steps.

You can have access to the masterclass for free by signing up for our membership.

If you loved this, please share it with another sister.

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